Music, friends (and Hungry Jack’s vanilla thick shakes) got me through the emotional minefield of breast cancer. In this blog, I am only going to talk about music. I’ll leave friends and thick shakes for another time. 😊
Music has always had a big impact on me. I remember as a child spending hours and hours recording songs off the radio and rewinding cassette tapes so I could write down word-perfect lyrics and learn them off-by-heart. My first tape recorder was well-loved and exquisitely cared for, placing it back in it’s box each time after use. My first cassette tape – Smash and Grab by Racey, got chewed up during my 500th play of ‘Some Girls’. I was mortified!
When I first learnt I had breast cancer one of the first things I turned to was music. I created a FOC (Fuck Off Cancer) playlist with lots of sassy, in-your-face, bad-ass songs that I could scream and shout along to. I also found lots of upbeat, inspirational songs with lyrics about never giving up, fighting hard and digging deep. Then there was also a need for quiet music, with beautiful words that would calm my mind and also help to release pent up emotions and important tears.
I would listen to these collections, picking songs to help with whatever daily challenge presented itself.
So, I could not write this memoir, without including some of the more poignant lyrics and artists I relied on to get me through this breast cancer shitfest. At the beginning of each chapter in Show Us Your Tits, I have included snippets of song lyrics that express how I was feeling at the time, words I grasped onto that gave me optimism or helped me understand my own situation and emotions.
CALM: If I needed a calming influence I would often turn to Loren Kate – a beautiful soul that creates sublime music. Her lyrics are so heart-felt and her voice is exquisite. Loren generously let me use a couple of verses from one of her songs Old Friend – gratis! I placed these lyrics on the dedications page.
Show us Your Tits was dedicated to four friends I met through breast cancer. Four friends that were diagnosed around the same time as me, but did not make it, as their cancer was found too late. Loren Kate’s words say everything I wished I could have said to those four breast cancer warriors as they passed away. I still get goosebumps and tears fall freely when I read them now. Loren was recently at a music festival I attended and she got to see her words in print. She even signed my proof copy book with a beautiful sentiment – “All that’s left in the end is love.” (Look! She is even holding the Can at 40. Do at 45 pen so it can be read – not a set up – it just happened!)
I send my heart filled with all my light and love.
And I hope ...
That the morning sun shines for you.
And the rain falls down in the afternoon.
Let it pour down like tears and wash away your fear.
May that night sky be clear and warm.
May the moon rise, one that’s just been born.
And the stars guide your way to a new day.
Loren Kate
SCREAM and SHOUT: I found screaming and shouting (and swearing profusely) extremely therapeutic – especially when within a song. When I first heard the song Wolves by Joan & the Giants, I literally had to sit down and just BREATHE. I was dumbfounded and had to take stock of how the heck Grace Newton-Wordsworth (lead singer and songwriter) had gotten into my head and built this amazing song about what I was thinking and feeling.
Although written about toxic relationships, this dark and haunting song beautifully connects into my relationship with cancer, especially the fear of it returning. Screaming out this song did so much to help me heal and it is still performing its magic on me.
Again, this beautiful woman allowed me to reprint her lyrics at no cost.
You weigh me down with your breath.
Am I a fool to trust again?’…
But I will not accept this fate! Sleep tonight In the middle of a hurricane When the wolves come out Are we the ones to blame?
…Is happiness the absence of fear?
Joan & the Giants
Asking artists if I could use their lyrics for this book was quite daunting. I almost gave up on the idea, but I just couldn’t get past the importance of their inclusion. The thought of leaving them out just didn’t sit right, so I embarked on a big task – that of trying to contact them all to request permission!
When I contacted Grace, I had no idea my request would have such a positive, encouraging and emotional impact on her. I thought I was the one receiving and she the one giving. It turns out the giving and receiving was a mutually beneficial and beautiful exchange.
We helped each other.
Check out this video for Grace’s response to my request.
What other lyrics, from which artists, are contained in Show US Your Tits I hear you ask?
Well, you’ll just have to buy a copy to find out!
Coming soon!
Show Us Your Tits has officially gone to print. It will be so exciting to finally get it out there, helping people, improving awareness about Australian statistics and raising important funds for Breast Cancer Care WA.
JO xx
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